i stumbled across the most horrible shit of my life. hit me somewhere really fuckin harsh..... it wasn't bad things, it was all ridiculouslly happy things. and it reminded me of when i was genuinely happy. in a matter of a year ... everything is so wrong. where did i go wrong? if you're a nice person, people will fuck you in the head... don't let them do that to you in a romantic relationship SPECIFICALLY... because you wont heal. you'll base everything you know a relationship to be off of it and never be able to get excited about cute shit like that anymore. butterflies will turn into the idea of wanting to puke. so if you're happy in a relationship and you have found someone who can make you feel a way no one else in the world can make you feel..... don't get bored and fight over stupid shit. it'll fuck you up... you'll go half crazy... and then you'll turn into a party girl, and when the party is over, you'll hate everything. everyday. always. i'll never see the light of day again. love is without a doubt what happiness is to me... i just feel so distanced from ever coming close to that genuine feeling again. any guy that might be good for me, i've pushed away, indirectly. because i feel like i was psychologically raped. it's ruined for me dude. it's not fuckin fair.... but even so... i have accepted my consistent state.... i am just all around miserable. and that's life. and i guess this is the way life is supposed to feel? i feel like i automatically feel the second i talk to a dude... he's going to use me and hurt me... so instead of putting my guard up... i take it completely down. this is like a way of life now. i expect the worst. because that's all i've ever known. show someone genuine kindness, love, and admiration... and you know what they do? they walk all over you. and that is that. and i have come to terms with it. i am a very sensual sensitive person... but the one emotion i should have the right to feel as a girly daydreaming romantic girl... has been taken from me. i just don't want it. no more. the emotion that is supposed to be the happiest feeling in the world for someone.... i feel like i'm not even capable of feeling anymore. just fucked dude.
anna
Thursday, May 28, 2009
Thursday, May 7, 2009
PATHETIC.
YOU KNOW WHAT'S REALLY REALLY SAD AND PATHETIC?
WHEN SOMEONE WHO IS SO RESENTFUL AND NOT OK WITH THEMSELVES... THEY HAVE TO GO OUT OF THEIR WAY TO TRY AND FUCK UP OTHER PEOPLE'S SHIT. THERE IS NO SUCH THING AS JUST BEING HAPPY FOR OTHER PEOPLE, IS THERE?
TO GET MORE SPECIFIC... I AM RECALLING SOMEONE ANONYMOUSLY EMAILING MY FRIENDS BOYFRIEND TRYING TO TELL THEM ALL THIS BAD STUFF ABOUT HER... HE'S HER FUCKING BOYFRIEND. HE ALREADY KNOWS. HE LIKES HER JUST THE SAME. AND ANYONE THAT DOESN'T LIKE HER, OR WHAT SHE'S ABOUT... IS JUDGMENTAL, RESENTFUL, AND OBVIOUSLY HURTING ON THE INSIDE. ON TOP OF THAT BEING A REALLY FUCKED UP THING TO DO... IT IS PATHETIC. IF YOU'RE GONNA DO SOMETHING SO BIG AND PROFOUND... DON'T DO IT ANONYMOUSLY.
whoever did this is so already dead. even if you have to go to bed every night knowing you did it. that is just so fucking low.
"crazy. but that's how it goes. millions of people... living as foes. but maybe, it's not to late... to learn how to love, and forget how to hate"
sing it, ozzy.
sorry... i just had to vent. in the rare occasion someone lurking my shit comes across this and knows exactly what i'm referring to and knows exactly who did it.. please be sure to get the word back to them. i don't care about much, but the friends i do have, i stick up for. I'm not gonna do anything about it. But note this... I think it's really really fucked up. and karma will return the favor one day... whether I find out..... or not.
GROWWWWW UPPPP. jesus dude. everyone fucking sucks. keep putting down other people because you hate your own life and you're so much "better"? we are all the same. how you choose to judge and view other people.. you have to deal with. and the more effort you put into putting other people down... the more vulnerable you are. just shows how you feel about yourself. i've heard that for years.. but it's so true. hate isn't "real". it's built up emotions. and it's a whole lot more weak than people view it as. WIZZEAK.
... anna
WHEN SOMEONE WHO IS SO RESENTFUL AND NOT OK WITH THEMSELVES... THEY HAVE TO GO OUT OF THEIR WAY TO TRY AND FUCK UP OTHER PEOPLE'S SHIT. THERE IS NO SUCH THING AS JUST BEING HAPPY FOR OTHER PEOPLE, IS THERE?
TO GET MORE SPECIFIC... I AM RECALLING SOMEONE ANONYMOUSLY EMAILING MY FRIENDS BOYFRIEND TRYING TO TELL THEM ALL THIS BAD STUFF ABOUT HER... HE'S HER FUCKING BOYFRIEND. HE ALREADY KNOWS. HE LIKES HER JUST THE SAME. AND ANYONE THAT DOESN'T LIKE HER, OR WHAT SHE'S ABOUT... IS JUDGMENTAL, RESENTFUL, AND OBVIOUSLY HURTING ON THE INSIDE. ON TOP OF THAT BEING A REALLY FUCKED UP THING TO DO... IT IS PATHETIC. IF YOU'RE GONNA DO SOMETHING SO BIG AND PROFOUND... DON'T DO IT ANONYMOUSLY.
whoever did this is so already dead. even if you have to go to bed every night knowing you did it. that is just so fucking low.
"crazy. but that's how it goes. millions of people... living as foes. but maybe, it's not to late... to learn how to love, and forget how to hate"
sing it, ozzy.
sorry... i just had to vent. in the rare occasion someone lurking my shit comes across this and knows exactly what i'm referring to and knows exactly who did it.. please be sure to get the word back to them. i don't care about much, but the friends i do have, i stick up for. I'm not gonna do anything about it. But note this... I think it's really really fucked up. and karma will return the favor one day... whether I find out..... or not.
GROWWWWW UPPPP. jesus dude. everyone fucking sucks. keep putting down other people because you hate your own life and you're so much "better"? we are all the same. how you choose to judge and view other people.. you have to deal with. and the more effort you put into putting other people down... the more vulnerable you are. just shows how you feel about yourself. i've heard that for years.. but it's so true. hate isn't "real". it's built up emotions. and it's a whole lot more weak than people view it as. WIZZEAK.
... anna
Thursday, April 16, 2009
bitches at my door
burn your bridges. "imma do me"... you can go fuck yourself. the truth comes out about people, i don't need to run my mouth. go ahead.. i love watching you to your "own thang". i'm sick of hearing about how shitty you are. everyone is preaching to the choir. i don't need to expose you, after a while, people figure someone out. you're really good at flirting with guys, making sure everyone knows you're "not a slut". but some of the stuff you say and do is about as classless as me dancing on tables like paris hilton. and i don't try to be someone i'm not. in fact.. i really don't think silly stuff i do defines me as a person. but you're so dead set on your image, all i can figure is you really think people are convinced by your stupid act. so gross.
i don't even know how i ever managed to get myself mixed up with such fake bitches. that say the most embarrassing shit of my life. stuff not even i would say to be funny.
anyways....
my question today is....
how do guys really expect women to act when they treat them so horribly? if i've ever done anything short of lady like... i feel like it was a lot of baggage coming from relationships that made me feel like shit about myself. or just being consistently talked to a certain way. if you treat people with respect, they will rise to the occasion. i can't find a guy i can truly say i "respect" as a gentlemen. i'm not putting saying the blame is 100 percent a guys fault... but it would really be nice to be talked by people like i was raised around. not rude pigs.
just a thought.
anna
i don't even know how i ever managed to get myself mixed up with such fake bitches. that say the most embarrassing shit of my life. stuff not even i would say to be funny.
anyways....
my question today is....
how do guys really expect women to act when they treat them so horribly? if i've ever done anything short of lady like... i feel like it was a lot of baggage coming from relationships that made me feel like shit about myself. or just being consistently talked to a certain way. if you treat people with respect, they will rise to the occasion. i can't find a guy i can truly say i "respect" as a gentlemen. i'm not putting saying the blame is 100 percent a guys fault... but it would really be nice to be talked by people like i was raised around. not rude pigs.
just a thought.
anna
Wednesday, April 15, 2009
Tuesday, April 14, 2009
anti-social
I don't wanna be on VIP lists, i aint down with you, or no one. this bitch walks a lonely road and i aint cool enough for dat sorta shit. if you think i'm that cool you must be lookin at my xbox gamer rep. i'm out of the out crowd. ima weirdo and proud of it. don't wanna be apart of your social groups. i just wanna listen to music about how all you suck. cuz u do. go drink your pbrs and leave me alone.
Saturday, April 11, 2009
bummer
it bums me out that barely anyone gets me. i think i'm just one misconception after another. i haven't been anywhere outside of everyday errands in three weeks. i wish i had someone that even gave a shit specifically about me. and not just when i remind them of how lonely i feel.
i hate being "that party girl" or a girl that someone heard a story about. anyone that really knows me knows how delicate and sensitive i am. i'm not just some girl drinking her way through her early adult years. i just want to fit in like everyone else. but it's hard to fit in when no one will even give you a chance to identify with them.
and what annoys me the most is that people still associate me with fuckin morons who i'm not friends with. AKA girls that wanna be down with everyone. fuck that i don't give a shit. i just want people to know i'm a nice person and i like wearing booty shorts cuz i'm anna and thats how i've always rolled. initially you'd think i care a lot if i'm going out of my way to cake on make up and wear cut up motley crue shirts... but honestly i know guys don't find that attractive. or any guys i'd like atleast. people need to get clues... i'm not as ignorant as i appear to be. feel like a walking cheap tabloid. gah-ross.
anyways, over the last few months i've been working on developing a good relationship with my grandparents because i loved, admire, and respect them so much. my little brother is my best friend in the world. i always wondered what it was like to be really close to a sibling... and my love for daniel is like a love for a child if i ever have one. i would die for him. i sacrifice for him. i am the least selfish when it comes to him. he is such an important part to my life.
haven't been to atlanta in 3 weeks cause of a cold outside of shopping trips and seeing jenn. it's been a blessing in disguise.... even though kennesaw if filled with ignorant hicks, i don't mind it as much as the elitist grown ass fucks that play the "who's more important" game. or wondering if the people i'm hanging out with want me for a ride or some bullshit. getting to hang out with PEOPLE THAT MATTER, listening to music on my own terms, and being able to tolerate my surroundings because i'm not surrounded by a bunch of drunk idiot bitches really puts perspective on things.
i'm not wasting one more minute of my time around people who just want to judge me and make assumptions. or use me. or be a shitty ass two faced friend who i have nothing in common with. i'm just so over that shit.
people are so retarded. and judgmental. because i forgive people all the time, and i see their hurt. so i dont feel the need to insult. it's just so much harder when you have to decide if those are the people you want to surround yourself with. what the fuck is a friend these days anyhow?
all i want is for april 23rd to be here. so happy about it.
anna
i hate being "that party girl" or a girl that someone heard a story about. anyone that really knows me knows how delicate and sensitive i am. i'm not just some girl drinking her way through her early adult years. i just want to fit in like everyone else. but it's hard to fit in when no one will even give you a chance to identify with them.
and what annoys me the most is that people still associate me with fuckin morons who i'm not friends with. AKA girls that wanna be down with everyone. fuck that i don't give a shit. i just want people to know i'm a nice person and i like wearing booty shorts cuz i'm anna and thats how i've always rolled. initially you'd think i care a lot if i'm going out of my way to cake on make up and wear cut up motley crue shirts... but honestly i know guys don't find that attractive. or any guys i'd like atleast. people need to get clues... i'm not as ignorant as i appear to be. feel like a walking cheap tabloid. gah-ross.
anyways, over the last few months i've been working on developing a good relationship with my grandparents because i loved, admire, and respect them so much. my little brother is my best friend in the world. i always wondered what it was like to be really close to a sibling... and my love for daniel is like a love for a child if i ever have one. i would die for him. i sacrifice for him. i am the least selfish when it comes to him. he is such an important part to my life.
haven't been to atlanta in 3 weeks cause of a cold outside of shopping trips and seeing jenn. it's been a blessing in disguise.... even though kennesaw if filled with ignorant hicks, i don't mind it as much as the elitist grown ass fucks that play the "who's more important" game. or wondering if the people i'm hanging out with want me for a ride or some bullshit. getting to hang out with PEOPLE THAT MATTER, listening to music on my own terms, and being able to tolerate my surroundings because i'm not surrounded by a bunch of drunk idiot bitches really puts perspective on things.
i'm not wasting one more minute of my time around people who just want to judge me and make assumptions. or use me. or be a shitty ass two faced friend who i have nothing in common with. i'm just so over that shit.
people are so retarded. and judgmental. because i forgive people all the time, and i see their hurt. so i dont feel the need to insult. it's just so much harder when you have to decide if those are the people you want to surround yourself with. what the fuck is a friend these days anyhow?
all i want is for april 23rd to be here. so happy about it.
anna
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